When Abusers Weaponize the Courts to Silence Victims

When victims threaten to expose abusers, it’s very common for the abuser to create a false narrative and take the victim to court. If the abuser’s threats fail to frighten a victim into silence, then they’ll immediately go no-contact, add more lies to their smear campaign, and eventually seek to claim the victim’s harassing them. Abusers will weaponize the court system to regain control over their victims. Oftentimes, the victim is looking for closure, so phone calls and emails trying to contact the abuser are common after the abuser decides to go no-contact. Unfortunately, the victim doesn’t know the abuser is building a smear case against them so they can make everyone believe the victim is the problem, not them. This is called reactive abuse and the victim’s reactions can sometimes be used against them in court.

My ex took me to court on false accusations and the judge could see through it immediately. Our time in front of the judge was no more than five minutes, however, he continued with his false narrative, including the claim he took me to court for harassment and now has a restraining order against me. I knew of this lie from a video his daughter shared about her traumatizing life, which included a claim that there was a restraining order against me for telling lies about their family. Abusers (and enablers) will go to any length to silence victims, even as low as lying to their children.

I think the saddest part about my court experience wasn’t the fact that my ex could now beef up his lies by quickly flashing the fact that he took me to court, but it was the ex-wife who was present defending her abuser. She defended the very man she and her daughter claimed abused them. Instead of her choosing her children, she chose his side after telling me how dangerous he is, and how she slept with a knife tucked under her mattress to ward off his attacks. This woman was there to support his smear campaign, thus silencing her and her children’s voices. I had never seen anything like this before, however, over time I’ve learned that enablers are just as dangerous as abusers because they’re often compliant with the abuse and encourage their children to not say anything.

If you find yourself in court, please don’t react to the lying and always remain calm and honest. The court system was not created to protect real victims, however, every blue moon there will be a judge who can see through the lies. I was blessed to receive justice in my favor, but this still didn’t stop my abuser from spreading the lie that there is a restraining order against me. Most people won’t check the court dockets, and if they do, and discover they were lied to, they’ll still blame the victim who has been telling the truth since the beginning. At the end of the day, true justice comes from God above and He always has the last say. He also knows who all of the behind-the-scenes players/enablers are in the game, and they won’t go unpunished for their participation.