The Narcissistic Father And His Daughter
From Children of the Self Absorbed: A Grownup’s Guide to Getting over Narcissistic Parents by Nina Brown. Here’s a list of characteristics of narcissistic fathers:
- Turns every conversation to him or herself.
- Expects you to meet his or her emotional needs.
- Ignores the impact of his negative comments on you.
- Constantly criticizes or berates you and knows what is best for you.
- Focuses on blaming rather than taking responsibility for his own behavior.
- Expects you to jump at his every need.
- Is overly involved with his own hobbies, interests or addictions and ignores your needs.
- Has a high need for attention.
- Brags, sulks, complains, inappropriately teases and is flamboyant, loud and boisterous.
- Is closed minded about own mistakes. Can’t handle criticism and gets angry to shut it off.
- Becomes angry when his needs are not met and throws tantrums or intimidates.
- Has an attitude of “anything you can do, I can do better.”
- Engages in one-upmanship to seem important.
- Acts in a seductive manner or is overly charming.
- Is vain and fishes for compliments. Expects you to admire him.
- Isn’t satisfied unless he has the “biggest” or “best.”
- Seeks status. Spends money to impress others.
- Forgets what you have done for them yet keeps reminding you that you owe them today.
- Neglects the family to impress others. Does it all: Is a super person to gain admiration.
- Threatens to abandon you if you don’t go along with what he wants.
- Does not obey the law—sees himself above the law.
- Does not expect to be penalized for failure to follow directions or conform to guidelines.
- Ignores your feelings and calls you overly sensitive or touchy if you express feelings.
- Tells you how you should feel or not feel.
- Cannot listen to you and cannot allow your opinions.
- Is more interested in his own concerns and interests than yours.
- Is unable to see things from any point of view other than his own.
- Wants to control what you do and say—tries to micromanage you.
- Attempts to make you feel stupid, helpless and inept when you do things on your own.
- Has poor insight and can not see the impact his selfish behavior has on you.
- Has shallow emotions and interests.
- Exploits others with lies and manipulations.
- Uses emotional blackmail to get what he wants.
- May engage in physical or sexual abuse of children. (View original source here.)
Narcissistic fathers hate their daughters if they don’t admire them in spite of the abuse, and especially if they attempt to hold their fathers accountable through verbally exposing them, no-contact, or just ignoring their father’s behavior. On the other hand, if the daughter is an enabler and in denial about her father’s abuse, then the father will make her feel like she’s special in the most perverted way possible, which can include inappropriate touching, gifts, or incest. If the father is dating, he’ll immediately drive a wedge between the daughter and the new woman in his life by telling lies to both of them so they can compete for his attention. If the relationship fails, the narcissist will blame the daughter for the failure of the relationship, claiming she’s too needy, too mean, a bit*h, cunt, or whatever other expletives he can find in his vile vocabulary bank.
If the narcissist’s daughter is perceived by the narcissist as a problem or someone complains about her behavior, the narcissist will say hateful things to her behind closed doors and threaten her if she doesn’t fall in line. Also, if she is too outspoken and non-compliant, he’ll use other family members to abuse her in subtle ways. They’ll blame her for his absence and neglect, and claim it’s because of her bad behavior. The daughter will often find herself in a situation where she’s defending herself against her dad’s family members, her own mother, his girlfriends, wives, friends, etc, for not allowing her father to abuse her. They know he’s abusive, but they don’t care. She only needs to fall in line like everyone else and allow him to verbally (and sometimes physically) punch her whenever he needs to just as they do.